Bing Says We Are Weird. I Prove It. Using Search Term Poetry.

Bing has done so repeatedly:

Bing Places asks for this every few months.

In order to learn more about this fundamental confusion I investigated my Bing search terms. [This blog has now entered the phase of traditionally light summer entertainment.]

Rules:

  • Raw material: Search terms shown in Bing Web Master Tools for any of my / our websites.
  • Each line is a search term of a snippet of a search term – snippets must not be edited but truncation of phrases at the beginning or end is allowed.
  • Images: Random pick from the media library of elkement.blog or our German blog (‘Professional Tinkerers – Restless Settlers‘)

_______________________

you never know
my life and my work

is life just about working
please try to give a substantial answer

A substantial answer.

element not found
map random elkement

Random elkement, confused by maps.

so as many of you may know (though few of you may care)
my dedication to science

this can happen if
the internet is always a little bit broken

The internet is always a little broken

google translate repetetive glitch poetry

_______________________

So let’s hear what Google has to say!
Same rules, only for Google Search Console:

_______________________

so called art
solar energy poem

ploughing through
proof of carnot theorem
thermodynamics in a nutshell

Thermodynamics in a nutshell.

mr confused
why him?

Mr Confused

plastic cellar
sublime attic
in three sentences or fewer, explain the difference

Plastic tank - 'ice storage'

Sublime attic.

name the three common sources of heat for heat pumps
magic gyroscope
frozen herbs
mice in oven

Had contained frozen herbs. Isomorphic to folding of ice/water tank pond liner.

shapeshift vs kraken
tinkers construct slimey
you found that planet z should not have seasons

Slimey

the best we can hope for is that
tv is dangerous

what is the main function of the mulling phase?
you connect a packet sniffer to a switch

Connect a sniffer - to your heat pump

how to keep plastic water tank cool in summer
throwing boiling water into freezing air

Freezing air.

just elke
self employed physicist
the force is strong in me

The force is strong in me.

  _______________________

Spam Poetry: “Cris-Crossing the Universe”

I have tried my hands at different kinds of experimental internet poetry, and all of the poems turned out to have a dystopic touch or tantalizing hints to some fundamental philosophical truth. Perhaps this says something about 1) The Internet or 2) about my subconsciousness.

Since I have reduced blogging frequency, the number of spam comments plummeted accordingly – from 600 to 150 spam comments in the queue. So it has got harder and harder to find meaningful spam. In addition, there is a new variety: Such comments are not composed of meaningful sentences, but phrases of three or four words are stitched together to form a lengthy comment that sounds like postmodern poetry in its own right.

But I try to rise to the challenge, and even add one more hurdle. Rules for this poem:

  • Each line is a snippet of a spam comment.
  • Snippets must not be edited
  • Only one snippet can be extracted from one spam comment, but not every comment has to be utilized.
  • New: Snippets must be used immediately in the order of spam comments (descending by date), and they must not be re-arranged afterwards.
  • All comments have to be harvested in a single session.

The following lines were taken from about 125 spam comments in the queue on October 1st.

The idea shows through the pamphlet
where people need to respond

temperatures will most likely govern
long-lasting usable cartoon figures

in certain places the floor is sinking
We have a very big problem.

withdrawal insomnia
The arrangement exists because of the persistence

arrangement - persistence

using ontology within all things
There should be one internal link

You’ll be able to move to another location
Could certainly come zombies

A Dreamcatcher bard who have been heard
sober as opposed to
stepping off point
the one that has problems with panic attack

We will dissect too
cris-crossing the universe far far.

cris-crossing the universe

Scattered all over
the location where the profits have been

conspiracy delayed
raving about choosing real humans

our personal fashionable ethos
As opposed to the isolation
produced by Zombie galleries
creating an irritatingly low experience

in the sci fi shooting living space
extremely like black topics

Our favorite self-theory
That particular creep
seriously electrifying

seriously electrifying

Self-Sufficiency Poetry

Our self-sufficiency quota for electrical energy is 30%, but what about the garden?

Since I haven’t smart metered every edible wildflower consumed, I resort to Search Term Poetry and random images. This is a summer blog post, lacking the usual number crunching and investigative tech journalism.

(Search terms are from WordPress statistics and Google Tools)

Direct self-consumption quota was nearly 100% last year (no preservation), and self-sufficiency was very low, with one exception: Yarrow tea.

This year we will reach 100% herbal tea self-sufficiency:

Yarrow TeamThe solar/air collector is boosting yarrow harvest – and we have yet to include its cosmic quantum free energy focusing effect in the marketing brochure.

fringe science theories
can efficiency be greater than 1

Collector, yarrow, poppy

But it also boosts vitality of other life forms:

alien energy

Slimey Aliens near collector

I cannot prove that these particular slimy aliens – edible and a protected species in Austria – are harmful as I never caught them red-handed. You just need to be careful when collecting vegetables to avoid the slimy parts.

We are self-sufficient re green ‘salad’ and ‘fake spinach’ for about half a year. Our top edible wild flowers in terms of yield are Dandelion, Fireweed, Meadow Goat’s Beard …

why does the grim reaper have a scythe

Meadow Goat's Beard

… and White Stonecrop: both tasty …

jurassic park jelly

White Stonecrop and snail

… and ornamental:

zeitgeisty

White Stonecrop, Sedum Album

With standard vegetables (accepted as edible by the majority) we did crop rotation – and the tomatoes look happiest as solitary plants in new places …

analyzing spatial models of choice and judgment

Tomatoe Plant

The Surprise Vegetable Award goes to an old heirloom variety, called Gartenmelde in German:

slinkyloop antenna
physics metaphors

Gartenmelde

Last year exactly one seedling showed up, and we left it untouched. This year the garden was flooded with purple plants in spring:

virtual zen garden

Gartenmelde in spring

There are two main categories of edible plants – and two different branches of the food chain: Things we mainly eat, like tomatoes, herbs, onion, and garlic …

old-fashioned

Garlic, tomatoes, herbs

… and the ones dedicated to alien species. Top example: The plants that should provide for our self-sufficiency in carbohydrates:

simple experiment

Potatoes

In the background of this image you see the helpful aliens in our garden, the ones that try to make themselves useful in this biosphere:

force on garden hose
so called art

Helpful Alien

But looking closer, there is another army of slimy life-forms, well organized and possibly controlled by a superior civilization in another dimension:

the matrix intro
protocol negotiation failed please try again

Slimey aliens and potatoes

microwaving live animals

This garden is fertilizer- and pest-control-free, so we can only try to complement the food chain with proper – and more likeable – creatures:

solutions to problems

Hedgehog, Potatoes

Yes, I have been told already it might not eat this particular variety of aliens as their slime is too bitter. I hope for some mutation!

But we are optimistic: We managed to tune in other life-forms to our philosophy as well and made them care about our energy technology:

so you want to be an engineer

Blackbird and air pump

This is a young blackbird. Grown up, it will skillfully de-slime and kill aliens, Men-in-Black-style.

Life-forms too quick or too small for our random snapshot photography deserve an honorable mention: Welcome, little snake (again an alien-killer) and thanks mason bees for clogging every hole or tube in the shed!

It is a pity I wasted the jurassic park search term on the snail already as of course we have pet dinosaurs:

Pet Dinosaur

So in summary, this biotope really has a gigantic bug, as we nerds say.

sniff all internet access

Bug or Feature

Blinded by the Light: Links Not Considered Click-Worthy

I promised more experimental internet poetry — here it is!

The problem: Spam comments have petered out, their number seems to scale with posting frequency. The quality of search terms for this blog has improved, and most terms are technical and dull.

I turned to untapped raw material – finally I know what last year’s web development project was good for. As predicted, views plummeted after merging three sites into one and picking a country domain. The upside is that search terms got much better.

The following ‘poem’ is built from phrases displayed in Google Search Console (formerly called Webmaster Tools) for my personal website. I am picking from search terms in the list of Impressions: which means my pages appeared in the list of results but most of them were not clicked; hence the title of this post.

~

blinded by the light
despicable me

subversive activities
inconspicuous in a sentence

blinded by the light

blended movie stream
spooky black without you

offensive security
issued by an authority that is not trusted

offensive security

how does a steel plow work
educated guess

definition of tossed
krypton
deflector

energy armor
was last opened
across the universe

prevent the details of
dubious battle

energy armor

galaxy life hacked
mathematical modelling of zombies
lest means
gloomy sunday lyrics

meaning of strangeness
toilet success hacked

letterbox company

educated sentence generator
template missing

define subversive humor
farewell letter to customers
reply all bcc
without papers

subversive (humor)

 ~

Google-Mediated Self-Poetry – Holiday Edition

A new sub-genre of my experimental internet poetry! Is Google able to capture the essence of this blog?

Rules:

  • Search your own site on Google, using site:[your site].
    This ‘poem’ is based on results from site:elkement.wordpress.com.
  • Open the first search result in a new tab.
  • Pick one phrase from this page (your own content) and note it down as a new line of the poem.
  • Open the next search result, pick the next line.
  • Editing of phrases is not allowed, and you must not re-visit the pages already processed or re-shuffle the lines.

This is so-called poetry from the first three pages of search results, as usual combined with my images.

I’ll stay away from social media for a while so you have time to digest it!

~~~

Nothing you have not seen in more elaborate fashion elsewhere
the true connection between my diverse activities

Mutant Tomatoe

a nitpicking stickler and painstaking submitter of DMCA complaints
a pioneer who did such an experiment long before the social media era

In past years I tried to eradicate it
a rotating alien-fighting device throwing darts
It is utterly exhausting

Scary Rotating Things

the phase portrait deviate from the circular shape
So what to do with all those old sites?
Steampunk seems to allude to a part of our common DNA

The tank will also be used as a cistern
shining laser light on the dark filament and analyzing the diffraction pattern
due to different spontaneous freezing temperatures of supercooled water.

ice storage

I am in need of trivia.
mentally insert black and white images inspired by Philip K. Dick‘s short stories.

Black and White

driving hansoms and communicating by wired telegrams.
We abandoned some gadgets and re-considered usage.

I finally added permanent redirects
you should try to use energy more efficiently first

Subconsciousness already takes the decision but you do not notice yet.
so there is no violation of energy conservation.

Bullerjan: Fire!!

Don’t panic – I have left the lofty heights of political analysis for now!
As a fallible human you might give in to the most intrusive requester

denying cap-and-gown costume as I detest artificial Astroturf traditions
I have a secondary super-villain identity.

Super Villain

Here is a typical example of very volatile output:
the irony of being considered a notorious link scammer

salt crystals should easily glide downwards from a tilted plane.
It’s time to compare costs again

Otherwise the grass might always be greener over there.

Green Grass, and more

 ~~~

Travelling Like Spam Poetry

We have an anniversary.

In the summer of 2005,
the Chief Engineer and I set out to visit every Austrian village
whose names started with the letter Z.

It was a straight-forward idea given that we lived in a z-village. Our universe of websites contains the virtual equivalent – z-village.net, a German website chronicling the adventures and musings of two fearless settlers – calling themselves Subversive Element and Irgendwer (Somebody Doing Anything Nobody Wants to Do). These setters are on a mission to discover myth-enshrouded z-village. Today the z-village website is an epic tomb, but we link to it on our blog: punktwissen – Professional Tinkerers and Restless Settlers, tagging it with How it all got started. Perhaps that’s why not every reader recognizes this blog’s business-y nature.

Now, after I have scared everybody off with weird links (…. wait, I forgot to mention that it was the other members of our EPSI circle that suggested this trip!), here is the story:

We used the official list of z-villages from Austria’s statistical service – 247 places in total in a manual approach to optimization: Trying to visit as many as possible in one round trip. In the end, we managed to see 100 z-villages, driving 2000 km in about 10 days.

So the process was:

Try to find the next z-village shown in your print-out of Google maps or referred to in other sources. Most of these villages were small settlements rather than political entities, comprised of houses with addresses like z-village 7, and finding those was like trying to follow a yellowed old treasure map.

z-tripz-tripFind a place-name sign.

z-trip, found sign.Take a weird photo of the sign (Collection).

z-trip

Take to our heels when local life-forms start wondering. Sometimes it was scary, like Indiana Jones meeting the cannibals. In the north of Austria near the border to Czech Republic  – places typically picked for stereotype dark-family-secret-in-rural-village crime stories – the locals were especially suspicious.

Look, these guys are taking a photo of the sign ????!!!

z-trip, scary place

I realize, it might be hard to see the fun in this. You need to be part of it. Later I proposed this type of travelling to become part of life coaches’ outdoor training offerings. In jest of course, but as usual some people took it seriously.

Via the silly rule implied by the list of names we were forced to travel to places you would never pick for any type of vacation: They were neither advertised to tourists nor intriguing to maverick adventurers. It was like clicking form one hyperlink to the next and having to pick one line for poetry.

In the years before the z-trip our travelling was mainly for business. I mainly saw airports, train stations, motorways, and corporate headquarters. Though it should not have been a secret, the z-trip showed us that we live in a country comprised of fields and forests, of land not completely sealed by the tokens of 20th century’s civilization.

z-trip, as in the bucolic cliché

z-trip, magic well

z-trip, wind farm

We had to neglect some z-villages in the Western, Alpine regions to keep kilometers to a reasonable level. Nevertheless, we saw enough small villages that made us wonder how people can cope with tons of snow.

It was like in these movies portraying New Yorkers travelling to the wilderness of Alaska for the first time, having to deal with harsh weather and raccoons. I realized how clichéd, biased, and distorted some of my views were (… and yet, I use more clichés now to make my point!).

z-trip, wild animals

We both quit our corporate jobs the day after we had returned from that trip.

z-trip, settlers' selfie

Travelling like this was like using the internet in the pre-social-media era: Jumping from one obscure private website – designed by Microsoft FrontPage, with pink marquee taglines – to the next, not sharing and commenting on it.

I crafted my first website in 1997 – with FrontPage, I admit, and for business – but I was very reluctant to enter the interactive social web for a long time. My reluctance was the topic of my very first WordPress post. Since three years I have been exploring Web 2.0, and I am now returning to the z-travelling style of using the internet.

z-trip, mystic river

z-trip, bumpy road ahead

What the Internet Asks of Me

… via search terms submitted by blog visitors, of course!

This is a cross-over of search term poetry and using search terms for serious investigations: A collection of phrases from 2015 WordPress statistics, plus comments [in italics and bold].

As usual, phrases are unedited except from truncations at beginning and end, and I have added ‘suitable’ images taken recently. 

[What will remain an enigma forever]
how to control alien spaceship
why isn’t probability deterministic
a i am poem about microwaves for science
why i feel im succumbed to my own dark side

alien spaceship[What you really should know]
63,42 divided by 3
calories burned swinging a scythe
understand thermodynamics intuitively

scythe[What this (blog) is not]
english short poem
popular science books on solid state
one test location where slinky wouldn’t slink

one test location[What this blog (maybe) is]
desublimation pot
surrealist paradise
scrapyard poem site
a website where you can combine anything

don't climb the art[What people only dare to ask here]
what was the importance of garden hose theory and what was it
i enrolled without turnprinting,how am i sure that i have enrolled?
elkement

elkement's garden hose

[What the internet gets right about what I do]
plot the performance curves for heat pump versus temperature of water delivered
cistern-based water-source heat pump system design
heat transfer from submerged plastic pipe
some daily calculation in physics
can bus technische alternative
heat pump ice storage
sniff router traffic
datalogger
uvr1611
pki

sniff router traffic

[What the internet thinks I am a top and foremost expert in]
development the art of constructing error messages
how.to respond to notification for award nomination
connecting slinkies

message or art

[What I should learn more about]
card dialing
worst cistern pumps
cattle panels tomato supports
horizotal press risk assessments

tomato support

[What I should turn into a business]
phreaking practice
management metaphor diagrams
quote juassic park multiple lines of reasoning converging on a single point

metaphor, security

[What should become a manifesto]
we combine theory and practice at the same time
any device control by internet
work hard play hard culture
poetry theory now
zen capitalism

fake zen garden

[What finally is true poetry]

what do you see when water vapor sublimes on windows
on a cold night
resist being baited

can a substance be made
to describe
an object rotating around a central force

search a poem related to the theme of the poem try again
practice everything in the universe
pump for ice

ice storage