It has been a while since my last spam poem that was really compliant with the rules. My most recent attempt at Spam Poetry bent the rules. (But it is true – I am usually changing the rules as I go.)
Recently I have learned from fellow blogger and spam poet Michelle that there is National Poetry Month in Canada. She has raised the bar for spam poets quite a bit with this post. (Voice from the future: Link is broken – web.archive-isize it yourself!) I am not sure if I can rise to the challenge.
My spam queue is spilling over every day, but I have been choosy in the past weeks: I have only considered impolite, negative, and downright humiliating spam comments eligible for this poem – and these are rare.
I have removed some words, such as kinda or a bit to make this so-called poetry more dense, and I have added a few comments which are strictly speaking not humiliations. But in one of many possible universes, they probably are.
WordPress architects, in case you read this – I would like to request the following feature: Please allow for tagging spam for future poetry and for archiving spam already poetri-sized. I have evaluated spam comments for two months now for negative statements, copied all interesting phrases to a draft post – and deleted the comments afterwards.
Now at the end of this mind-boggling creation process I came up with the idea of adding some quirky, but not necessarily negative comments. And I have run out of spam. And I have announced the poem already to the Canadian Community of Poets in a comment to Michelle’s blog. High expectations of fellow spam poets and spam poetry aficionados are lying heavy on me. I need to publish an incomplete poem.
If I would have been able to archive and tag spams, I would have revisited re-evaluated them. Currently I have no other option than to time-travel back to uncover the deleted comments.
Unfortunately, at an earlier point of time I am / will / have not been aware of my new idea and as soon as I would / will / have been arrived in the past I would / will have forgotten what I had been / will be / would have been searching for.
Having stated this, my spam poem now makes a lot of sense (to me):
Past few posts are out of track! come on!
the last several posts have been boring
I miss your tremendous writings.
I do not agree on everything you write.
you simply copied somebody else’s story
the posts are too brief for newbies.
Could you please prolong them?
Have you ever considered adding more than just your articles?
execute an effective enquiry about his past record.
Yeh! Right! This is absolute nonsense
Read Even more
you need to check the particular spelling on your posts.
The words in your content seem to be running off the screen
you might want to put that on your blacklist.
Several ones are rife with spelling problems
I find it very troublesome to inform you.
improve website design!
Fancy, acquaintanceship, honour, you shouldn’t connect persons over a commonly used hatred to get anything at all. [*]
I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual.
[*] I have no idea what this means. Very postmodern! The last paragraph should add an unusal perspective and render the poem enigmatic, useless and mostly harmless. (Remember, we are going to celebrate Towel Day in about 42 days.)
Processing my spam comments happily, applying the same procedure as every months – I nearly failed the Turing Test again.
The following was a spam (?) comment on my first post on politics and economy which was not exactly a funny and light post.
The following time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I do know it was my option to learn, however I truly thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you could possibly fix if you werent too busy on the lookout for attention.
I figured: Depending on the definition of whining and attention seeking I cannot deny the validity of this comment completely.
I needed to do a Google-check this comment, and I learned that many bloggers have fallen for the same spam comment.
But this post on Culture Digitally // Examining Contemporary Cultural Production provides an interesting explanation why we fail the Turing Test often: It is not machines becoming more human, it is us acting more like machines on web 2.0.