Turning Flattering Chatty Spam into Postmodern Art

As a spam poet you need to avoid the Ground Hog Day Effect: Spam messages are repeating themselves, so how you do your keep your  level of originality as an artist?

And spam on blogs is (too) polite these days. You could create tons of flattering poems similar to the following:

your website is like an encyclopaedia for me
you inspire me
you’ve already made a difference.

Sometimes there is subtle poetry in typos:

not all bloggers have the gift to explain in some worlds something so perplexing.
(“worlds”, not “words” – think many worlds in quantum theory)

But very often spam is too chatty to qualify for modern poetry. I want these cool, aphoristic, enigmatic sentences. Thus I have selected shorter spam messages this time and I have tweaked them a bit – I have removed phrases like a bit, maybe, really, and your typical because your blog is so awesome clauses.

I think there is still room for improvement, but this is what remains after having boiled down spams received over the last three weeks (about 200 spams). The title is from a spam message, too. This poems proves that spammers are modest, too. They use “i” instead of the big ego “I”.

 i can solve some of my problems

in some point i disagree with you,
but still your words seen very coherent to me

if you explain it better i would thank you so much
adding more relevant content might be helpful
i thought so too.

ever thought about writing a book someday?
make sure there are no hidden phrases

I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress
with this i disagree

i was just curious if you get a lot of spam responses?
Be sure to go through what you’re putting your signature on


27 Comments Add yours

  1. M. Hatzel says:

    A sigh of pleasure with, “I want these cool, aphoristic, enigmatic sentences.” I don’t encounter the words aphoristic and enigmatic often enough. Also, I don’t get nearly as many spams as you do, only 77 in the past six months. I found that once I started ‘deleting them permanently’ from the comments folder similar spams were filtered out immediately and they don’t appear in the folder. I might have damaged my opportunity to become a spam poet by doing this.

    1. elkement says:

      With respect to my use of “aphoristic” I tend to blame blogging aphorist Kelly Hartland: http://kellyhartland.wordpress.com/ – quite addictive stuff ;-)
      Regarding “enigmatic” I can really trace it back to a key event – as a graduate student I read tons of scientific papers on superconducting materials: An author was not able to explain some result of his and the literally said “… remains an enigma.” This was rather unusual wording for a technical paper (let alone the fact that he admitted so openly that he cannot explained it). Later I learned that this was the name of the German encryption machine and the word has stuck forever.
      You have helped me in uncovering some really strange stuff directly from my subconsciousness, thanks :-)
      Re spam: I have another wordpress.com blog in German, too – also as open for anonymous commenters as this one – and I have got zero spams so far. Strange!

      1. M. Hatzel says:

        Today I observed in my spam folder another generalized comment from an insurance company concerning a post where I included a link to an insurance provider’s blog… I’ve noticed that when I’ve linked to other web content posted by businesses, I tend to get spam comments from companies in the same field… maybe the extra spam comes from those links? (You’re better at connecting your readers to external sources than I am, and perhaps this is why you get so much more spam than I do? Hmmm… something new to investigate.)

        1. elkement says:

          That’s an interesting explanation, thanks! So I should get spam by Google now based on my most recent post. I have detected a new type of spam recently: A full blog post of mine pasted into a spam comment – thus I can now reuse my own content in creating spam poetry ;-)

          1. M. Hatzel says:

            I just posted something new, which included a link in the text to one of my previous posts… I got a comment that included the full text of the blog post I linked to! It’s awaiting moderation. I suspect that was a mucked-up pingback of sorts? This is so weird.

            1. elkement says:

              Probably the idea is that it should not be considered spam because it is the same as the original post (?) My fullpost spam also included some “hmtl code gibberish” at the end, so copying and pasting does not work perfect yet.

  2. Yup–you are now the uber geek :>)

    1. elkement says:

      Yeah, but it’s getting harder and harder to meet expectations! ;-)

  3. Thanks for the like at Pairodox. You’ve got some thought-provoking stuff here … I didn’t leave myself enought time to read through the center of mass post … perhaps later. Thanks for being interesting. D

    1. elkement says:

      Thanks! I followed a linked posted by Maurice A. Berry on Twitter – I’m glad I found your blog. I am also part of a “sustainable two PhDs business” located in a rural area. How could I not like your blog :-)

  4. Alex Brown says:

    they use i instead of I, but they manage to get the CamelCase right on “WordPress”… god stuff as ever Elke

    1. elkement says:

      Thanks, Alex! But I have noticed I need to collect more and more spams to stumble upon “better ones”. There should be some software that filters the spam queue tailored to poets’ need!
      Re “WordPress”: Yes, very discerning! I guess they copy names 1:1 maybe (?)

  5. marksackler says:

    Elke, you win. You are definitely the bard of spam/search poetry. You are also geekier than I am, if that is possible! ;)

    1. elkement says:

      Thanks, Mark! What about a new type of BLAHS: “Geekier than Mark Sackler”?
      (Writing such comments I try to my best to attract innocent Google searchers – I am waiting for search terms such as “Mark Sackler Geek” before I will craft my next search term poem).

      1. marksackler says:

        Oh great. Like the whole world needs to know it?? And as for the award, that would have to be renamed for the new category. We could call it Blog Awards for Geeky LADIes, with the acronym BAGLADI. :D

        1. elkement says:

          But note – due to this very peculiar acronym this prize might be considered a consolation prize for (probably not that) geeky ladies ;-)
          I did some thorough linguistic research now – as the linguist spam poet has entered the discussion: It seems “Bagladi” is quite a common surname in Hungary. Very interesting as the Austrian-Hungarian border is just a stone’s throw away from where I live. ;-)

          1. marksackler says:

            But of course, I intended it to be homonym for “bag lady.”

            1. elkement says:

              Yes, I understood that ;-) (but I needed to google for “Homonym” :-D Same in German obviously, but I did not know it (*)).
              That’s why I thought it would be a prize just for the “poor bag ladies” rambling the endless streets of the internet, owning nothing – no awards, no geekiness ;-)
              (*) But I hope this comment will bring extremely intellectual search terms to this site

  6. I’m hoping, one day, you come out with a Dummy’s Guide to spam-poetry ;) :D

    1. elkement says:

      ;-) But this would be equivalent to a documentation of the rules – once for all. This time I have started to modify the spams a bit, in previous attempts I considered this forbidden. Anyway, you are right, Kelly: If I want to establish the community – or cult! – of spam poetry, I need to lay down the rules.

      1. :) Spot on! That would be fantastic :D

        1. elkement says:

          Kelly, I needed to quote your blog in my recent reply in this discussion! Michelle (Hatzel) has pointed out very aptly that I have used the uncommon word “aphoristic” in my post. I believe your blog posts – and trying to see the world via aphorisms – have gradually sunk into my subconsciousness :-)

          1. Aww, thanks elkement! – you are one generous lady :D

  7. Yeah, those sentence fragments do seem rather familiar… I’m not going to steal your thunder by posting my own spam poetry, though I might give it a try one of these days

    1. elkement says:

      Please go ahead and publish your spam poems! Then I could say I have started a viral movement. This is the history of spam poetry and search term poetry so far: https://elkement.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/spam-poems-and-search-terms-poems-preliminary-results/
      I am aware of three more contemporary poems, but I had to learn that spam poetry has been invented in the last millenium: https://elkement.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/standing-on-the-shoulders-of-giants-and-not-recognizing-it/

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